Your daily newspaper ads can easily trigger giggles, too. Read on . . .
*Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
*Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
*A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
*Dinner Special – Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00
*For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
*Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
*Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
*Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
*We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
*No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.
*For Sale---Three canaries of undermined sex.
*For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepherd and an Alaskan Hussy.
*Creative daily specials, including select offerings of beef, foul, fresh vegetables, salads, and quiche.
7 ounces of choice sirloin steak, boiled to your likeness and smothered with golden fried onion rings.
*Great Dames for sale.
*Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
*Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
*Dog for sale: Eats anything and is fond of children.
*Vacation Special: Have your home exterminated.
*If you think you’ve seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachaise Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de La Fontaine, and Chopin.
*Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
*The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.
*Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
*Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else. Stock up and save. Limit: One.
*We build bodies that last a lifetime.
*For Sale---Diamonds $20; microscopes $15.
*For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
*Nice parachute never opened. Used once, slightly stained.
*Man, honest. Will take anything.
*Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in. $200 a month. References.
*Nordic Track $300, hardly used. Call Chubby.
*And now, the Superstore---unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
I was a Tickle Me Cindy doll when I read John Q. Public’s letters to the airlines before I retired. The gentleman’s email stated, “My seat was at the back of the plane near the lavatory. The stench from the broken toilet on the 4-hour flight was nauseating.” I didn’t find any humor in his email until I looked at the return address and saw the city where he lived.
Flushing, New York.