Columnists
Crow's-Feet Chronicles: Here’s looking at you, Kid
By Cindy Baker Burnett
Apr 10, 2018
Print this page
Email this article

Several years back, Lanny and I decided to take the grandkids to a 3-D movie. After all, how difficult could it be? It’s not as involved as taking them to Jakarta, Indonesia. Nearly, though.

Before leaving the house, I switched to a larger handbag to accommodate a survival arsenal of Capri Sun packets and Rolo chocolate candies. Don’t worry—I’m not a complete party pooper. After all, what kid can sit through a movie without straddling a bucket of popcorn?

It was tedious to maneuver the group from the box office to our seats. “Come back over here, Bo! There’s no time to play the video games!” “Hey, you--why are you walking like that? Do you need to potty?” “You shouldn’t gawk at that poster, Mister. It’s R-Rated.” All additional room in my handbag was used for 5 pairs of 3-D glasses and my eyeglasses. I decided to wear my contact lenses so I wouldn’t have to place my 3-D glasses over my bifocals. The chump change we received from the concession stand didn’t take up much space.

It was dark when I placed a Capri Sun packet in each fist and popcorn between each pair of knees. After cramming the 3-D glasses on three kids and one husband, I settled back to enjoy the movie. “Hey, Mimi. I can’t see out of these glasses,” complained Brock.

“Shhh. The movie is about to begin.”

“But, Mimi. Everything looks weird.”

“It’s okay. That’s the way it’s supposed to look. Weird is good, Brock.”

“But, Mimi.”

“I said, ‘Shhh!’”

Think how badly I felt when we walked out of the theater and I discovered that Brock had sat through the entire 3-D movie wearing my bifocals. Bad grandmother! Bad! Bad!

My dismay turned to pride when I patted myself on the back for planning ahead and anticipating the debate on where we should have dinner. With instructions to the kids to vote by secret ballot, I handed each of them a pencil and a small slip of paper. “Write down where you’d like to eat dinner and don’t let anybody see it. Even if you can’t spell it, give it a try.” After I explained the democratic process, they assured me that it was fair.   It felt good to know they each accepted that the majority would win. Lanny and I knew the votes would be for Burger King or McDonald’s; we just didn’t know which place would win.

“Now, let me have the papers.”

Bo resisted. “You said not to let anybody see it.” I had to yank it from his hand.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think they’d vote for three different places to eat. The limp pieces of paper amazed me: “Mkdonalds” “Brams” “Sonik.” Even a run-off wouldn’t be a solution.

Blair began to cry. “I want to eat at Burger King!”

“But, Blair, you didn’t vote for Burger King.”

“I didn’t know how to spell it,” she wailed.

 cindybaker@cableone.net