Crow's-Feet Chronicles: What’s that smell? Polling places.
By Cindy Baker Burnett
Oct 29, 2018
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Voting is one of the elderly's major forms of entertainment, along with eating dinner at 4:30 p.m. Four years is a long time to wait to vote for the Presidential candidate who will promise that the government will give senior citizens huge quantities of drugs. It’s been proven---being stoned improves driving.

Between Presidential elections, all Americans engage in jousting. It’s an oil & water thing. Abortion, gun control, gay rights, global warming, health care reform, tension in the Middle East, or immigration can divide Sunday school classes, knitting circles, Walmart check-out lines, and even bedrooms.    

“…from the redwood forest, to the gulf stream waters

This land was made for me and mine…”

Political banter is like a ping pong ball bouncing from Miami to Seattle and Newark to San Diego. When a Republican from New York (motto: “Driver Carries No Cash”) says, “Beto is not an electrifying speaker. He couldn’t electrify a fish tank if he threw a toaster into it,” then a Democrat from North Dakota (motto: “Coming Soon---Plumbing!”) will strike back with “Let’s concentrate on immigration and deport Ted Cruz.”

Unlike Tip O’Neill and Ronald Reagan, who differed on everything until cocktail hour, Democrats and Republicans today spend 24/7 in fantasies of engaging the opposing party in blunt force trauma with bludgeoning instruments.

The two-party system keeps everybody in a tizzy. You can see it on the floor of Congress. Men with bad armpit stains are yelling and waving their arms. No wait---those are the guys ordering lunch across the aisles.

Any topic can divide the nation. ANY topic. Take “SpongeBob Square pants.” Debuting in 1999, he has won the hearts of millions of American children for 17 years. Spongebob got fired from his job on an episode, and it set off an explosion of political criticism. Even the Pixar’s movie, The Incredibles, ignited political extremists to debate whether a society of perfect harmony could exist. D. Liver. Me.

While we’re being absurd, let’s assume the nation could be divided on refried beans vs. black beans. Health nut politicians would argue that refried beans are smashed, fried, and oiled, adding fat and calories. In contrast, black beans are cooked in broth with spices added.

Other political fanatics might argue that refried beans aren’t really fried---they’re just mashed. But, it could be debated that sinful bacon grease could be added to refried beans OR black beans. Regardless, beans are an excellent source of protein and complex carbohydrates. They’re high in soluble fiber, low in fat, and have no cholesterol.

Incidentally, refried pinto beans are more frequently eaten in northern Mexico, while black beans are more typical in southern Mexico. See? We’ve come back around to the hot topic of immigration...…or pollution.

Following Super Tuesday, the Democrats realize that, no matter what, they’ll be promoting a quadragenarian.

The Republicans, on the other hand . . . are losing it (the hand!) to a pirhuana.