When my daughter was old enough to make the tattoo decision, she alerted me on the telephone prior to getting the tattoo. I knew I had a few moments to talk her out of it (didn’t work!). I said, “If you must get a tattoo, why not put it in a place where no one will see it . . . like the roof of your mouth.” She got the tattoo, in spite of me, and was unimpressed when I warned: “In 2060, you’ll be in a nursing home and all the residents will be playing a game of ‘Guess what the tattoo used to be.’ Believe me---the rainbow you get today will look like a bad day on Wall Street tomorrow!”
Although I’m no carrier, I like to look at tattoos. The only time I envy people with tattoos, though, is during cold weather when tattoo-covered arms look warm. Weird, I know.
There are a few clever ones, like the ballpoint pen tattooed over the ear of a bald man’s head. And I like the cartoon of the dragon in the tattoo parlor. He’s pointing to a spot on his chest and telling the tattoo artist: “I’d like a drunken college kid right here.” In This Book Has No Title, Jarod Kintz wrote, “I can read lips. Especially if they have words tattooed on them.” Will Farrell said, “Nothing says unemployed like a neck tattoo.”
If I had a tattoo, I’d want it to serve a purpose. Like having my computer pin number and bank password etched right above my wristwatch.
Contrary to what you might think, tattoo parlors are actually bastions of cleanliness. Some states regulate them, and reputable ones use disposable needles and sterilize all their equipment in an autoclave. Some mothers of young girls even take their daughters to tattoo parlors for ear piercing. For professional piercers who stick needles through noses, eyebrows, tongues and southern regions, ears are probably the most mundane of piercing locations.
When traveling, I look for unique advertisements and clever billboards. I was especially amused at the sign in front of the tattoo parlor:
Tattoos while you wait.